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Death and Burial A Practical Guide for People of Faith Revised May 2000 Death poses a crisis for families. No one can be adequately prepared for the experience of separation that results. Moreover, death often comes as the culmination of a lengthy process that has placed a strain on emotional and physical health for those who survive. Most people fear death and the process of dying. Almost all of us are uncomfortable in its presence. At some level this would seem to suggest that we are fearful of confronting our mortality and the mortality of persons we love and upon whom we may depend. The result is that people seldom speak of death while they are living vital lives, except in abstract ways. When a family member dies, however, there is no alternative but to deal with death, at least to the extent of making arrangements for burial. This can be a very difficult experience and lead to misunderstandings within families. The thesis of this guide is that preparation for death and dying should be made well ahead of time of a crisis. Since life is unpredictable, there is no better time for such preparation than now. The following are major areas for decision making. Guide Index
It is good stewardship to prepare a "Will" that provides a clear directive for the distribution of your property at the time of death. The Will also provides the opportunity to designate a personal representative to administer your estate and the guardian for any minor children. A Will may reduce misunderstandings within your family. A valid Will must be prepared in accordance with the requirements of state law. Without a Will, the Court and State law will determine the distribution of your property and the selection of your personal representative and guardians. Selection of a Power of Attorney A Power of Attorney provides for the designation of a trusted person to handle your financial and legal matters at any time that you are unable to do so during your lifetime. This legal document may eliminate the need for costly guardianship or conservatorship proceedings. The Role of a Power of Attorney The Power of Attorney handles your financial and legal matters at any time that you are unable to do so during your lifetime. Your Power of Attorney should:
The Role of a Personal Representative The Personal Representative handles your financial and legal matters at the time of death: 1. With legal assistance as needed, submit a petition to Probate Court for authority to act on behalf of the estate. 2. Gather information on assets, including insurance and pensions; tell insurance agents and pension holders of death. 3. Inform Social Security Office (1-800-772-1213). 4. Obtain death certificate (will be needed for funeral, insurance, stocks and bonds, banks, dissolution of property). 5. Notify bank and investment holders of death. 6. File tax returns and court documents; arrange for payment of estate expenses and distribution of assets. It is everyone's right to determine the direction of one's health care at the end of life. This includes both they type of care (curative vs. palliative or comfort care) and the location where the care is delivered (hospital vs. home vs. hospice). Many people find the transition from hospital-based curative treatment to hospice-based comfort treatment a positive, beneficial move. A Minnesota Health Care Directive form allows you to designate an agent who can make health care decisions for you when you are unable to make the decisions for yourself. The designated health care agent is usually someone close to you who understands your values and wishes for health care and can help your doctors determine appropriate health care if you are unable to communicate your wishes. The Health Care directive form allows the incorporation of your wishes for end of life care that were contained in Living Will forms under previous Minnesota law. These statements of your wishes for end of life care can communicate all your beliefs and values for your doctors, and can be a general outline or very specific instructions (for example, you may wish to decline tube feeding or ventilators if you are not likely to be able to be removed from these machines). The decisions and wishes set forth in your Health Care Directive should be shared and discussed with your family, your family physician and your pastor. These sometimes difficult discussions can be an opportunity for building closer relationships and insuring accurate decision making when you are unable to communicate your wishes. Copies of your Advance directive should be given to your family doctor, your hospital and your chosen health care agent. You should also keep a copy available to you should you have to be taken suddenly to the hospital. You have the right to change or amend your directive at any time in the future should your wishes change. Remember to communicate these changes to your doctor and hospital. Should you need assistance in completing a Health Care Directive, many hospitals have people trained and available to help. Contact the Patient Representative at your chosen hospital for more information. As Christians we have been taught by our Lord Jesus Christ to give of ourselves in life, and even at death. As Lutherans we are urged to consider organ donation as part of our stewardship of the gift of life. Theologically we affirm that God's promise to resurrect the body is unhindered by either cremation or organ donation. So it is but natural that we consider donation of our organs at death to sustain the precious gift of life in others, as a gracious extension of our life and faith. There is today tremendous need for both donated organs and tissue. The waiting lists are long for both. Modern procedures allow people of all ages (not just young, healthy bodies) to become donors. Organs needed are: the heart, lungs, liver, kidney, intestines and pancreas. Tissue needed includes: bone, ligaments, skin, eyes, heart valves, and veins. Commonly a number of tissues and organs can be used from a single donation. The joy of knowing your body was used to give life and health to others is huge. Although Americans are generally aware of organ donation, the concept of tissue donation is new to many people. Tissue donation is often an option when organ donation isn't, because tissue donation may occur up to 24 hours after death. Tissue is used in a wide range of vital medical procedures, including grafting skin for burn victims, replacing defective heart valves, saving limbs following tumor surgery, reconstructing hip and knee joints, and correcting curvature of the spine. How to Become an Organ/Tissue Donor Tell your family your decision. It's that simple. At the time of death, medical personnel will ask for the next of kin's permission for organ donation. That's why it is important that individuals tell their loved ones their decision so their wishes may be honored. Those who want to become donors may also indicate their decision on their driver's license or carry a donor card, but these are only indication s of their wishes. They do not guarantee you'll become a donor. Written permission for donation from next of kin is essential. Further Resources The church office and pastors have some excellent additional resources for your consideration: 1. ELCA information: "Organ Donation and Cremation" 2. ELCA statement: "Death and Dying" 3. LifeSource, the Upper Midwest organ recovery organization: "Fast Facts". It is important to contact the pastor at time of death. The pastor should be contacted before any other person, except family members. It is best when the pastor is contacted during the process of dying. You may call the pastor at any hour of the day or night. The pastor will lead you through the process of preparing for death and dying and burial. We should resist the temptation to "honor the dead" by lavish expenditures of money on funeral arrangements. Love can only be shown to a person while that person is living. Excessive expenditures on a funeral are an example of poor stewardship. One of the difficulties is that at the time of death there is little if any opportunity to seek the lowest cost arrangements. There are many subtle forces that tend to increase the cost of funerals. The lowest priced caskets serve the required purpose just as well as those that are high priced. The presence of a pastor as the family meets with funeral directors may be helpful in making arrangements that are appropriate. The practice of prearranging and prepaying funeral services is common today. As with many things, there are pros and cons to this idea. It would be wise to examine all aspects of such a plan and discuss with family members before making a decision. It would be well to keep in mind the words of the Scriptures: "For thou art dust and unto dust shall thou return"; and also, "Then shall the dust return unto the earth as it was and the spirit shall return unto God who gave it." We should remember that the person we loved no longer exists in the body that remains. In our society the most common method of disposing of a body is burial in a cemetery. It is to be noted that, if there is no reviewal and burial occurs within 72 hours of death, embalming is not necessary. Christians should, however, have no qualms about disposing of the body through cremation. Cremated remains can be buried in a cemetery. Some people choose cremation out of respect for the earth and not adding to its crowding. There may also be some financial advantages to cremation. There are of course those who choose cremation simply out of a basic conviction. One could argue that cremation simply hastens the process of returning to the dust of the earth. Large displays of flowers should be avoided. Flowers cost a great deal of money and last only a couple of days. Simple floral arrangements at a modest cost can be quite beautiful. It is very appropriate to indicate the desire that there be memorial gifts in lieu of flowers. In addition to remembering a person's life, the giving of memorial gifts is a good way to honor a life. Such wishes can be indicated in the newspaper announcement of death. It is generally a good idea to specify in the public announcement what organization(s) the family wishes to have as recipient of the memorial gifts. If Holy Trinity is the recipient, it is normal to simply state the name "Holy Trinity Lutheran Church". Subsequent to the reception of the gifts, there should be a conversation with one of the pastors relative to the precise fund for which gifts are to be used. A period of reviewal (visitation) can be a helpful option to a family and circle of friends. It can be scheduled the day before a burial service or immediately prior to the service. The decision to have the body cremated does not preclude a period of reviewal prior to cremation. The Worship Service: Memorial or Burial It has been the practice of Christian people to have a worship service to mark the end of a person's life. The purpose of such a worship service is at least five-fold:
An important responsibility of the pastor is to coordinate the development of the worship service. For persons who participate in the community of faith it is appropriate to have a worship service in the church. The worship service may be either a memorial service or a burial service. The following definitions may be helpful. Memorial Service = When the body is not present Funeral Service = When the body is present At either a memorial service or a burial service the sacrament of Holy Communion is appropriate. When the service of burial is conducted in the church, the use of a burial pall is recommended. A pall is a fabric covering placed over the casket. Holy Trinity has a beautiful white woven pall that is available to everyone. This pall makes an elaborate casket unnecessary. One of the great advantages of having a memorial or burial service in church is that there is the possibility for congregational singing and other good music. Hymns that reflect the promise of the resurrection, and our baptismal covenant are particularly appropriate. The following hymns are suggested:
Fellowship and Reception Following the Service A reception can provide family and friends an opportunity to gather for conversation and refreshments. this gathering may be held either after returning from the committal service at the cemetery or directly after the worship service. Either is appropriate. As soon as possible, inform the pastor or church secretary of how many people you expect to attend. (When the committal at the cemetery comes before the fellowship fewer people usually return for the reception.) The reception may take the form of a simple lunch provided by the family, with coffee and cake provided by Holy Trinity members, or just coffee and cake. Holy Trinity members will prepare the tables, serve the food and clean up after the fellowship. You may obtain further assistance in planning the types and amounts of food needed by calling the pastors or church secretary. Important Personal Information (CLICK ABOVE LINK FOR A PRINTABLE CHECKLIST) Those Left Behind: Grief Resources The death of a loved one disrupts our lives. We may become confused, angry, and sad. We may doubt our faith. Grieving persons may have physical symptoms such as trouble sleeping, loss of appetite, and frequent crying. These are all normal. Grieving persons should make an extra effort to take good care of their health and to keep in touch with others. Support groups can be very helpful. The following is a partial listing of educational resources to help families talk about death. Many are available in the Holy Trinity library. ADULTS:
CHILDREN
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